It’s time for a small change.  Starting next week I’m going to blog three times a week.  Mostly this is because I’m worried I’m repeating myself.  A couple of years ago I noted that Joni Mitchell’s Circle Game could easily be the theme song of my life.  “Captive on a carousel of time” might have been a more apt (though more trademarked) name for this blog.  I feel like the circles are getting smaller, and I am becoming boring.  I told Matt about this change, and he asked why, and I said “because I think I’m repeating myself.”  Without hesitation, he said, “Yes, that’s probably true.”  Oh-kay.  There you have it.

Writing here has certainly made clear the central leitmotifs of my life: mourning the passage of time, the mysterious nature of memory, my dogged but imperfect attempts to be here now, and the reality that life is flawed and messy, grand and golden, and that it is impossible (for me) to have light without dark.

It is inexpressibly valuable to have clarity about what those themes are.  I understand now, and I did not before, the ways that these spots around which my soul pivots have defined my comings and goings and my feeling and thinking.

But I don’t want to just say the same thing over and over again.  I can’t possibly explain how much it means to me that anyone at all is reading my words; honestly, that is a gift beyond measure.  Thank you.  I know it’s awfully meta to blog about blogging.  I won’t do it again, but I just wanted to explain the change in cadence here that will start next week.

And to say thank you.

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Vanity – I don’t have a vanity. I’m not totally sure what a vanity is?

Perennial to-do list – Laundry.  There is always laundry to do.  And Whole Foods.  I cannot walk out of that place without forgetting something.

Refrigerator Shelves – 1% milk, rice milk, Greek yogurt, hard-boiled eggs, pineapple, sliced up red pepper, a bottle of homemade green juice.

Itinerary – Our annual trip to Legoland this summer, and our traditional family trip to Vermont for a week in August.

Fantasy Itinerary - At a dinner recently a friend asked everyone to go around the table and say the one place they most want to visit.  That was easy for me: the Galapagos.  I want to go there, and soon, because I know my animal-obsessed daughter will love it.

Playlist - I don’t listen to music other than in the car (Mumford & Sons, James Taylor, One Day by Matisyahu, songs from Brave, The Story by Brandi Carlile, Home by Phillip Phillips) and when running (top 40 all the way: Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, Pink).

Nightstand – A stack of magazines.  A framed picture of Matt and me at a friend’s wedding a month after we were married.  A heart-shaped glass dish that Grace gave me with chapsticks and ear plugs in it.  A copy of Mark Nepo’s The Book of Awakening.  An alarm clock.  A notepad and pen.

Workout Plan - 5:30am runs 4(ish) days a week.  Yoga or Pilates when I can figure out how to jam that in.  

iPhone - Instagram, Twitter, Words with Friends, Ruzzle.  I am lame and mostly use email and text.  So 2006!

Top 5 List – Poetry, the sky, baggy Lululemon studio pants, notes from Grace, Whit’s laughter.

Bucket List – Write a book, fly in a helicopter, go to Alaska, St Petersburg, the Grand Canyon, be able to do a handstand in the middle of the room.

Mind – The bewildering state of the world, lines from poems by Stanley Kunitz and Adrienne Rich, whether my children will grow up into nuclear winter with a trashed environment and violence all around them, will I ever get my inbox under control, my grandfather as Princeton reunions near.

Blogroll -  Katrina Kenison, Amanda Magee, Le Catch, A First Sip (and so, so many others!)

Walls of your Favorite Room in Your House – A large memo board with photographs of Grace, Whit, my godchildren, my nieces and nephews, my bridesmaids, and my best friends as well as a couple of quotations (The Work by Wendell Berry), notes from three special people, and a string of small prayer beads.  A large framed print that says “LOVE” and three small prints that say, respectively, “we are all made of stars,” “peace, be still,” and “you are so loved.”

Liquor Shelf – Sauvignon blanc, French red wine, vodka, gin, tonic, Mount Gay rum, and ginger beer.  

Last Credit Card Statement - Lots of things.  Airline tickets, Whole Foods, crewcuts, Amazon.  I could go on.

Screensaver - Scrolling photographs from the last year in iPhoto.  I often sit and watch it when I return to my desk.

TV Every Night -The TV isn’t turned on every night.  When Matt’s home, he sometimes watches sports.  I’m waiting for Homeland to come back!

What’s on your …?

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I decided to look for inspiration where I always do.  I went outside, tipped my head up, and gazed.  And then, after a walk, I sat down at my desk.  The muse doesn’t find me unless I sit at my computer, after all.

I’m delighted to be guest posting at Tales of Quirk and Wonder today, writing about what inspires me.  Please click through to read the rest of my piece.

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Seashells: Grace’s birth announcement had a starfish on it, and Whit’s was identical other than being written in blue and featuring a sand dollar. I have starfish and sand dollar stationery for them, and I have starfish and sand dollar charms on a charm bracelet. And now I have them on this necklace, which I can’t stop wearing.

Frances and Bernard: Oh, this book, by Carlene Bauer.  Just so, so marvelous.  I loved it.

Love purely, and take it easy: I can’t stop thinking about this essay by Emily Rapp.  Here, now: this is all there is.  Love purely, and take it easy.  Chaos overtakes all of us.  This weekend I devoured her memoir, The Still Point of the Turning World, and I still can’t take a full breath.  And I can’t stop crying.  And I want to hold my children all day every day.  More thoughts on that luminous, honest, heartbreaking book soon.

Three years ago I went to New York to see Marina Abramovic’s extraordinary piece of performance art, The Artist is Present.  I was hugely moved by what I experienced, and wrote about the tangible holiness that exists in authentic presence.  I had not seen this video before, which I discovered on Anthony Lawlor’s marvelous blog, Dwelling Here Now.  In it, Marina’s former lover and collaborator, whom she hasn’t seen in decades, sits down across from her at the MOMA.  In two short minutes, we witness humanity incarnate.

International Women’s Day: These photographs gave me goosebumps.  Especially, for some reason, #17 and #34.  I read so many appalling and terrifying statistics on Friday.  And I realized that my primary reaction has nothing to do with me.  It’s all about Grace.

Moscow Mules: I am not much of a cocktail drinker.  But at my dear friend’s wedding in January, I discovered the Moscow Mule.  Part of it is surely the fantastic brass mug.  And part of it is surely that I was drinking them in the company of a few of my very, very favorite people.  But: yum.

It seems I’m writing these Things I Love posts approximately monthly.  If you want to see the others, they are here.

What’s on your mind, your screen, and your night table lately?

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I’m honored to be sharing my truth, tip, and find today.  Please read them there, and explore the wonderful site while you’re at it.  I am certain you will enjoy it.

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I recently read all four books in Lois Lowry’s Giver quartet.  This book, Son, is the final book in the series.  I was hugely moved by both the entire foursome and by this book in particular.  I’m happy to be reviewing Son on Great New Books today.  I loved, loved, loved this story and highly recommend it.

Please click over to Great New Books to read my thoughts on Lois Lowry’s parable of mother-love, Son.

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Christina Rosaline on turning 35, which she recognizes as the someday of life.  “This, this is my beautiful, reckless, heartbreaking, perfect life.”  I read this beautiful post in tears.

Meeting Priscilla Warner this weekend, which was an enormous treat and complete joy.  Priscilla is every bit as warm and wise and funny as I knew she would be.  I could have sat and talked to her for hours and hours.  If you haven’t read Learning to Breathe yet, you should.

Maya Stein’s visceral, gorgeous poetry.  My favorite lines of hers remain these, below, but every single poem stops me in my tracks by making me both think and feel.

“The world spins as it spins.
Your life is on that same axis,
half shadow, half radiance
and turning, always turning.”

Finally, my piece about what I view as an essential question: Is my constant sense of failing to be present getting in the way of my actually being present? is on the Huffington Post this week.  If you haven’t seen it, I would welcome your thoughts there!

What are you reading, thinking about, and loving lately?

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I’m closing comments here and hope to see you at The Happiest Mom!

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I am delighted and honored to be joining the team at Great New Books.  I am proud to be a part of the site, whose motto is sharing our favorite books one week at a time.  Our reviews are published on Wednesdays, and we will also be featuring authors talking about what they love to read.  We’ll often be hosting giveaways, so please follow us on twitter (@GreatNewBooks), check out our site (GreatNewBooks.org), or visit us on Facebook, to make sure you don’t miss anything.

This week I am reviewing Katrina Kenison’s gorgeous new book, Magical Journey.  As you know from yesterday, I adore this book.  I adore everything Katrina writes, in fact, and Magical Journey just takes my appreciation to new heights.  I hope you will click through and read my review, and while you’re there, explore Great New Books.  I know you’ll like it there.

Following the lead of my friend and fellow GNB contributor Nina Badzin, I’d like to introduce you to the incomparable team I’ve joined.  These women are all passionate readers.  They also happen to be excellent writers.  Come to Great New Books to see us all.

Nina Badzin is a writer who lives in Minneapolis with her husband and four children. Her stories have    appeared in various literary magazines, and her essays have appeared on numerous blogs, including Huffington Post’s books, parenting, religion, and technology pages. Find her on Twitter @NinaBadzin, or at http://ninabadzin.com, where she blogs weekly. Some favorite books “of all time” include East of Eden, The Age of Innocence, Love in the Time of Cholera, and To Kill a Mockingbird. Recent favorites include Gone Girl, The Age of Miracles, and Let’s Pretend This Never Happened. Nina loves to read. Period. She keeps track of her weekly reads and let’s you know what she thought of them here.

Jennifer Lyn King is a writer and author who loves to read and share great books with others. She’s an American expat living in Prague with her husband and three sons, and enjoys photography, oil painting, tennis, and traveling. She is currently at work on a novel set in New Orleans and coastal Italy. Her 5 favorite books are (in no particular order) Jane Eyre, The Language of Flowers, State of Wonder, The Shell Seekers, and The House at Riverton. For more about Jennifer, visit her website and blog at http://jenniferlynking.com. She can also be found on Twitter @JenniferLynKing.

Jessica Vealitzek is a mother and writer near Chicago. She recently finished her first novel, The Rooms Are Filled, and is at work on her second. When she’s not blogging at True STORIES, writing for Rebellious Magazine, or composing ditties for her children, she enjoys writing anything else. Some of her favorite books are To Kill A Mockingbird, anything by Steinbeck, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee, and The Killer Angels. Recent favorites include If Jack’s in Love, Train Dreams, and Up from the Blue.

Hallie Sawyer is a freelance writer/blogger with a passion for history, photography, travel, and books, of course. She lives in the Kansas City area with her husband and three kids, as well as her goofy Wheaten Terrier. She has been published in local parenting magazines and blogs for a local website called JOCOmoms. She is currently writing a historical fiction novel that she hopes to complete before the end of time. Her favorite books are Outlander, Ride The Wind, Little Women, The Fault in Our Stars, and Life of Pi. You can find her at her website: www.HallieSawyer.com and on Twitter @Hallie_Sawyer.

I’m closing comments on this post, and hope to see you over at Great New Books!

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When I read Kristen’s thoughtful questions this morning I thought they might be a good way to try to capture the essence of a year that is already slipping through my fingers.  A way to fix those 366 days, which I know were jammed full of laughter and tears and frustration and beauty and pain, a bit more into the amber of memory.

So, here goes:

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?

Probably a constellation of things having to do with writing.  Starting to blog for the Huffington Post (thanks Farah and Lisa for your support there!), letting go of a long-held dream, continuing to engage with thoughtful, wonderful readers here, and some other developments that are still nascent.

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?

Some professional uncertainty in our family that has been resolved.

3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?

I continued to fall in love with my own children, and with my own life.

4. What was an unexpected obstacle?

New nagging problems with my knee, the death of my grandfather, an uptick in bickering between the children.

5. Pick three words to describe 2012.

short, surprising, routine

6. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe your 2012 (don’t ask them; guess based on how you think your spouse sees you).

scary, content, tiring

7. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe their 2012 (again, without asking).

unsettling, reflective, clarifying

8. What were the best books you read this year?

The Age of Miracles by Karen Thompson Walker, The End of Your Life Book Club by Will Schwalbe, Crossing to Safety by Wallace Stegner (for third time), The Fault in Our Stars by John Green, Harry Potter #6 (for the second time), Harry Potter #3 (for the third time).

9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?

With my husband, Grace, and Whit.  I grow ever more clear on what really matters.

10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?

I started drinking green juice every single day, and ate significantly more healthfully as a whole.  Current obsession: roasted fennel (thanks HLKS for that one).

11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?

I’m realizing that all of life is one long spiral around the same central issues.  I’ve stopped beating myself up when I feel like a broken record (most of the time), and started realizing that there’s a reason I return, over and over again, to the same set of unresolved tensions and questions.

12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?

I’ve made continuing strides in my efforts to be more present, to let go of my attachment to how I wanted it to be.

13. In what way(s) did you grow physically?

I’m not sure I did.  Another year’s worth of wrinkles.

14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?

I’m becoming clearer and clearer on who my true friends are, and more and more aware of how much I love, trust, and need those in my inner circle.

15. What was the most enjoyable part of your work (both professionally and at home)?

Starting to feel I am building real relationships with professional clients, and also beginning to feel ready to own “writer” as one of my vocations.

16. What was the most challenging part of your work (both professionally and at home)?

Trying to juggle everything I need to do on a given day without dropping anything major.

17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?

Probably twitter.  But I love it so.

18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?

Running early in the morning.  Every time the alarm goes off and it’s pitch dark and 20 degrees I wonder why I do it, and then when I get home and the coffee is made and my house is asleep and I’ve run four or five miles, I am glad I did.  That is probably my favorite time of day, running under the still-setting moon and stars, watching the sky break into sunrise along the horizon.

19. What was biggest thing you learned this past year?

That there is no end.  There is no destination.  There is only now.  I learn this every year, over and over again.

20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2012 for you.

To live is to die to how we wanted it to be. (Jack Kornfield)

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