So, onward into 2015. Last year I opened the new year with some reflections on what I’d learned the year before (as well as with that paragraph above, which I think bears repeating). I wanted to do so again. Some of these are new lessons, others are continued of lessons that I seem to need to need to re-learn over and over again.
What did I learn in 2014?
No amount of being here now helps ease the essential pain of time’s passage. It gives me rich memories, yes, but it doesn’t change my sorrow at how fast this life flies.
The cliche that raising a tween and teen is the most difficult part of parenting seems to have some truth in it. That I feel I can say that as I embark on this new phase fills me, I’ll admit, with something approaching dread.
The best way to clear my head when I feel sad or angry or upset about something is to go for a walk. To gaze up at the sky and the branches, to feel the air around me, to observe the familiar streets near my home.
40 is officially the age when you start taking your health seriously. That means that when something’s wrong, all the what-ifs rear their ugly heads and suddenly have credence. The worst could be. But it also means that on a daily basis I feel aware of the great miracle that the human body is. I strive not to take my own health for granted. I’m sure I don’t do nearly a good enough job, but I do try.
My soul speaks in poetry. It’s not an accident that so many years ago, I chose to write my senior thesis in college on poetry (and I love the instinctive choice that I recognize now as some kind of deep, essential knowing). It’s most often poetry that runs through my head, and it’s in reading poetry that I feel most at home, most soothed, most comfortable.
There’s no marathon in my future. There’s probably not even another half marathon. 30 years of running has accumulated on my knees and the wear is beginning to show. I hate, hate, hate this fact.
Perhaps the biggest thing I learned in 2014 is how dearly I love my own life. What I most devoutly want in 2015 is more these days, more of my shining, painful, ordinary life. My wish for the new year is as simple and as arrogant as that: more of this.
What did you learn in 2014? What do you hope for in 2015?
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