Life is polarities

I’m particularly aware right now of the intensely opposed polarities that exist, both uneasily and audaciously, in every single minute of my life.  It is by turns exhausting and reassuring to hold these contradictions in my hand.

  • Those who are close to me know me intimately and yet not at all; I, too, still stumble navigating the emotional terrain of those I know and love best of all
  • The light is full, but of losses
  • I am both grateful and sorrowful
  • We are on the curve towards the end of the year, which then becomes the beginning of another year
  • In my deepest darkness I find a stubborn flicker of joy
  • I feel young – awkward, unfamiliar, bumbling – and old – wiped out, depleted, wrinkled – at the same time

What poles are you holding now?


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6 Comments

  1. Posted November 15, 2011 at 5:29 am | Permalink

    What I’ve learned and continue to see is that the poles…the duality of what you feel in your life is not something everyone is willing to take on. There is strength and courage in your ability to allow yourself to experience both poles. And although it sounds that it is intense and maybe some would rather be ignorant I feel it does make life richer…at times, harder and more heartbreaking, but you also can experience the positive polarities as well. While we have never met or spoken in person and I only know of you what you present here I do know what it feels like to feel things intensely and I’ve stood for most of my life in shame of this…because other people said things that made me feel I was too different and too much. I still struggle with it, but to be honest I’m proud of it. It helps me in the coaching work I do with my clients. I find it amazing and courageous of you to share your vulnerabilities here.

    The poles I hold are sheer ambition for you newly developing business and the depression that continues to hold me back from accomplishing too much.

  2. Posted November 15, 2011 at 5:53 am | Permalink

    The last sums up perfectly the very thing that has been on my mind far too often lately.
    xo

  3. Posted November 15, 2011 at 6:01 am | Permalink

    I remember when you first wrote of this, I still think about your list of polarities and how it relates to my life. Completely, if you are wondering. It makes me smile to think about your words and my life colliding (well, maybe a better word would be better but I just can’t think of one right now).

    As for my examples….

    My extroverted job–talking to parents, students, co-workers–exhausting my introverted self by the end of the day.

    My silly and serious side converging messily.

    Being and optimist about most things and a pessimist about some (really ONE) things.

    And so many more.

    admin Reply:

    I can’t believe I forgot to mention this. Thanks for reminding me! My job requires me to be interacting with people all day long too, and I often find myself completely drained at the end of the day

  4. Posted November 15, 2011 at 8:36 am | Permalink

    I often wonder if the lump will simply always be, there, ever present, the threat and promise of tears my companion.

  5. Posted November 15, 2011 at 9:29 am | Permalink

    I like the flurry and activity around being busy, yet I love, need, and require my quiet time.

    I love the energy and light around certain relationships, yet I know they deplete me and I am not my best self around them.

    I love hot, humid days on the lake, and I love the quiet cold turned warm of skiing through quiet woods in the winter.

    I love discovering my children through their dyslexia and their unique, incredible different ways of learning. Yet I desperately wish school was easier for them.

    And I too am confounded by the emotions those closest to me evoke. I love them more than I think capable at times, and other times I can’t believe the anger and frustration I feel with them.

  6. Posted November 20, 2011 at 12:58 am | Permalink

    When you wrote: “In my deepest darkness I find a stubborn flicker of joy,” I wanted to finish it with: “In my boundless joy, there is always a shadow of sadness.”

    Thanks for your acknowledgement of the poles. It’s amazing to me how much energy the world puts into ignoring the dichotomies inside all of us; it takes courage to sit with them, live with them.