Lately

Last week I mentioned how tired I am lately, how quiet and reserved I’m feeling.  That is manifesting in a lot of ways, and one of them is a real lack of inspiration to write.  But I am determined to honor my commitment, here and elsewhere.  So, a few things that I’m thinking about and doing these days.

  • I am trying to run a few days a week, shorter distances and slower than before, because of the aforementioned exhaustion.  Still, for my mental health, I need to get out there.  I hate treadmills and run outside all year long, including in the rain or snow.  Mostly, I run at 530 in the morning because that is the only time I can reliably go.  In these weeks, before the clocks turn back, it is pitch black at that hour.  I ran last week in the pouring rain, in the dark, and felt like the only person in the world.  It was strangely soothing.  I need to be extra careful not to trip though, something that’s a hazard for me even in full sunshine.
  • I am reading The Long Goodbye and finding it incredibly beautiful, though also deeply sad.  Next up is The Bread of Angels, the author of which my sister has met in Jerusalem.  I figure it will resonate on many levels, and will start getting me in the mindset for our trip to Israel in December.
  • I am writing fiction.  Well, I’m trying.  My friend Kathryn has been urging me on in this direction for a while.  We’ll see what happens.  One observation so far: I am sure there is some meaning, some subconscious message, in the tense we instinctively choose.  My automatic voice is in the present tense.  I often have to go back and correct, like a first grader in grammar class, basic verb tenses, because my voice is always tugging towards the present.  I wonder what this means.
  • Hilary is homesick.  A little.  And so are her girls.  And she told them the perfect truth: “you know, you can feel two things at the same time.”  Yes, yes, you can.
  • I am listening to Something Beautiful, by Alexi Murdoch, on repeat.  Enormous thanks to the vivid, gorgeous, and wise Jen Lemen for pointing me to it.

May the grace of God be with you always, in your heart
May you know the truth inside you from the start
May you find the strength to know that you are part of something beautiful …

What are you listening to, reading, doing, thinking about, and feeling lately?


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8 Comments

  1. Posted October 18, 2011 at 6:47 am | Permalink

    I tried running with my mom and sister last weekend, and decided that it gives me anti-endorphins – I was cranky for hours afterward. Oops. Not sure that running is my thing!

    I’m so excited for you that you are trying your hand at fiction. I think fiction allows us to discover deeper truths and more beauty, in some ways, than nonfiction can. But I’m prejudiced, since I have been writing fiction almost ever since my fingers could hold a pencil and spell out simple words. It is manna to my soul, and I hope it proves so to yours as well.

  2. Posted October 18, 2011 at 7:56 am | Permalink

    I love this, Lindsey…

    I am reading The Dovekeepers, Alice Hoffman’s newest. And listening to Zee Avi, over and over. Ghostbird, mostly, but anything of hers I can find.

    I have a fiction story going – the first in a long time – it’s interesting that you are writing fiction, too. Who knows what lurks in that great mind of yours!

    Thanks so much for sharing so transparently. It helps to know we’re traveling together in many ways. I wonder if we all are…

    XOXO

  3. Posted October 18, 2011 at 8:07 am | Permalink

    I am also reading “The Long Goodbye.” As I set about thinking about starting work on a memoir about my own mother’s death, and our relationship, it has been enormously helpful. Plus, it’s just a beautiful and sad book. I also bought a subscription to The Sun magazine, which I’m really enjoying (you might, too — although I know, one more thing to read).

  4. Mylene
    Posted October 18, 2011 at 10:10 am | Permalink

    I’m listening to a lot of love songs lately. I’m also working out everyday trying to reach my target weight by December. I love your posts.

    I love this one too…

    “May the grace of God be with you always, in your heart. May you know the truth inside you from the start. May you find the strength to know that you are part of something beautiful …”

  5. Posted October 18, 2011 at 3:21 pm | Permalink

    Your lack of inspiration is resulting in deadly inspiring posts! You are really giving all of us permission to do what we need to do and to feel what we need to feel.

    I am listening to Cheryl White. And I am not even a country fan. I LOVED the Alexi Murdoch song. Good lord. I have most of his stuff but can’t find the album “Something Beautiful” is from.

    Alas, I have not exercised for 2 days because of the ankle. (getting cranky).

    I am reading your manuscript – YAY! 🙂

  6. Posted October 18, 2011 at 8:32 pm | Permalink

    I have become a bit taken over by that song, too, from reading Jen Lemen…

    Sorry to hear about your energy lag… I need to get my butt out on the road again, but have lost my running mojo for the moment. Must find.

    Thanks for your post.

  7. Emily
    Posted October 19, 2011 at 9:03 pm | Permalink

    Like this post a lot. But just thought I’d be a mothering hen (please forgive me!), and suggest that you might want to get your blood checked for anemia? I went through a long spell of total exhaustion about 8 years ago, and it turned out I was anemic. I hadn’t even noticed the gradual decline in my energy until I was totally wiped much of the time…

  8. Posted October 26, 2011 at 10:31 am | Permalink

    So much I’d like to say, but for now I’ll stick with thank you. Thank you especially for that gorgeous Alexi Murdoch song. So exactly what I needed to listen to today.