Comments on: Ambivalence and regret roll into my heart like thunder

By: Ronna Detrick

Ronna Detrick — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 04:22:34 +0000

Lindsey: Though the cliche might apply in this situation, you are anything but “an inch deep.” Rather, I’d say that you have put deep and significant roots into many realms of life: motherhood, marriage, work, writing, learning, questioning, loving, hoping. The seeds may not yet have all germinated and emerged from the dark and fertile soil, but they will. And they do. You continue to astound me with your beauty, your fragrance, your garden of words/emotions/truths. Thank you.

By: Recession = Life on Hold « Eva Evolving

Recession = Life on Hold « Eva Evolving — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 02:19:46 +0000

[...] earns his degree and can find a teaching job. He will be stuck balancing work and school, with a foot in two worlds as Lindsey at A Design So Vast describes. And so, B and her husband will be living on hold for a [...]

By: denise

denise — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 21:24:42 +0000

Wow. You posses such raw, insightful writing talent that I find myself feeling a tad bit jealous when I read. I aspire to inspire people the way you reach me with your writing. You expertly weave and fold me into your innermost thoughts and I admire your honesty. I recently realized I’ve been struggling with a decision about my “career”–and I beat myself up for wanting more work and less stay-at-home time. Thankfully I’ve released that and moved on, but the struggle left me tired.

I look forward to your next posts. Thank you.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 20:34:06 +0000

I think this is one of the most important lines in the whole post: “And I don’t feel that I am letting those people down because of my specific choices but because of who I am: that I am not more curious, ambitious, intelligent.”

And in that I understand more than you know. And probably more than you would ever think I do.

And I see change in the near future. And it tastes good. And it sparks curiosity and ambition alike. Keep writing.

By: Eva

Eva — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 18:50:23 +0000

Lindsey, I just came across this post on another blog and thought it was a perfect metaphor for what you articulate here. It’s about 4 burners (areas of life) on a stovetop, and trying not the boil over…
http://alifeinseason.wordpress.com/2010/03/05/on-the-stovetop/

By: Eva

Eva — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 16:22:32 +0000

This post has stuck with me since I read it yesterday morning. Lindsey, you very clearly articulate a concern on my mind and in my heart. The heart-wrenching choice between two alternatives, two worlds. Right now, my husband and I are asking the first question: Do we want to have children? But looming on the horizon is the question: How do we make that happen? What tradeoffs will we make?

Unfortunately, there is no answer. There is no perfect balance here. And I wonder if mothers who say they are perfectly happy with their decision (to work, to stay home, or some combination) still harbor uncertainty deep in their hearts.

It seems like many moments in life where two paths diverge. Which college should I go to? Which job should I accept? Which man should I date? We make the best decision we could at the time, and bravely go forward. There is no way we will know what the other path held. The ambiguity of life – it is uncomfortable but unavoidable.

By: Terresa Wellborn

Terresa Wellborn — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 07:45:22 +0000

Having a foot in both worlds is a feeling of half-completeness, hearing half the story at the office water cooler and then coming home to the aftermath of your first & oldest child’s first taste of real food: a mashed banana. (missing the latter steamed me mad for weeks)

I was there, once, for 5 years, with a foot in both professional and mama worlds.

After baby #4 came, I knew it wasn’t in me to do it anymore.

While I sometimes mourn losing my position at work, I try and remind myself that, like a wave rushing in and flowing out, I may find myself back there again, at work, some day.

By: Alana

Alana — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 06:16:21 +0000

Once again, you’ve struck a beautiful, deeply vibrating chord within so many of us. I’ve chosen to be home more than at work but the straddling often feels like my first days on ice skates. Scary, painful and exhilerating. I don’t think any choice we make as mamas is right (or wrong), easy or perfect. We are all in this great big messy journey of discovery. The most I can hope for is to continue to grow into myself more fully each day. Oh – and to connect with kindred souls who are doing the same – which I always feel when I come here

By: Julie

Julie — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 06:09:24 +0000

Lindsey, Our infinite spirits will never fit into the cookie cutter boxes society tries to get us to fit into. In reality, there is no such thing as work/life balance. It’s a farce and a lie. I discovered that myself, as I raised my daughters. Now I watch them making the choices they need to make to make their spirits happy, which in turn models the same to their babies. When I was an older non-traditional student at Stanford, a much-younger undergrad, upon hearing of my most unusual life trajectory, told me, “There is no right way to do life.” I have never forgotten her wisdom. The only way to do life is YOUR way. No one else can know what that is…only you. You are doing it your way. Trust that. IN the end, that’s all that matters.

By: Corinne

Corinne — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 00:56:36 +0000

It bugs the heck out of me when people who are not in your situation say that you are lucky. Because the grass is always greener… as well as what you said – work goes into decisions, planning, etc. This isn’t a great comparison, but it’s kind of like “you lucked out with your children.” I like to think my husband and I had something to do with them being well behaved in certain situations {though not always…} or the fact that they have an interest in reading or whatever the question may be. I don’t know how much luck plays into it, and how much it’s a nice way of coating a slight bit of jealousy. But I digress…
I think those of us who struggle to stay present, who wonder and daydream about possibilities, will always have a little more self doubt. I can tell you – I was there for every moment of my children’s babyhood, but I was not always present. In many ways. I hold a lot of regret about that, about the escape route I took while being there.
I’m rambling… forgive me! This obviously touched on a lot of issues that run through my mind. You did a wonderful job presenting them!