You ask about working harder. From what I've read here, it seems that you're working plenty hard enough. I bet if you asked your kids, they'd describe you, in their own way, as the very mom you aspire to be. And, by confessing your feelings here, you're not only moving closer to your goal, but also doing a service to other parents out there – like me, like the Modern Love author – in acknowledging that this business of child-rearing takes tremendous effort.