I very much like this essay about “free ranging in less obvious ways” on Free Range Kids (an excellent blog I highly recommend). The author, Leah R. Weiss Caruso, discussed the less visible side of free range parenting. She describes a variety of ways that children need to be let to fail in order to learn to pick themselves up.
I could not agree with this more strongly. I have often lamented my own lack of resilence and perhaps as a result of my own insufficiency with this vital trait, I desperately want to help you both develop it. I think this is exactly what letting children fail accomplishes: it develops self-sufficiency and the ability to recover from setbacks.
This is, for me, a tremendous parenting challenge. When I hear Grace and Whit starting to bicker I am quick to jump in, shushing them and asking them to stop fighting. I think what I should probably do is leave the room and assume they will figure it out (hopefully, though not certainly, without an ER visit ensuing).
It is about letting my children be, even when there is conflict between them. It is about letting them lose at games and sports. It is about not shielding them from the world’s ugly and hard edges, not coddling them when things are going to hurt. It is about sticking with rules even when they cause disappointment or, more likely, screaming tantrums. It is, fundamentally, about teaching children that the world – and my world – does not revolve around them. This is a hard lesson to impart, full of discomfort and sadness. But it is also probably the most important thing I can teach Grace and Whit.
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3 Comments
Have you read "The Blessing of a Skinned Knee?"
I struggle so much with this too, mostly because I don't think I trust my children at all. They get hurt doing the most innocuous things. I wish I could be stronger about it.
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That book is in my stack!!!
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Good post. Have you ever read the popular New York magazine article about praising your children too much? http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/
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