Month: June 2007

Blogging from the Acela … headed down to NY to spend two days with my Lever House buddies.

To be alive at all involves some risk. – Harold MacMillan

There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap. – Cynthia Heimel

What a desire! To live in peace with that word: Myself. – Syliva Ashton-Warner

So whatever you want to do, just do it … making a damn fool of yourself is absolutely essential. – Gloria Steinem

Why are we so full of restraint? Why do we not give in all directions? Is it fear of losing ourselves? Until we do lose ourselves there is no hope of finding ourselves. – Herman Miller

There are times when to be reasonable is to be cowardly. – Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

Thinking about risk, and decisions, and the choices we make that change the direction of our lives. Matt has to make a call here, and I am trying to be a reasonable sounding board without being too stubborn about it. The choice he makes has big ramifications for me as well.

The train is passing through Connecticut, gorgeous sunset over water vistas on each side … ahhh. This is a nice way to travel.

A splash in the pool, a plastic cup of white wine on ice, Grace entertaining herself with Clemmie and Bronwyn, and easy conversation with old friends from the first days of mom-hood (Jen and Heidi). Altogether, a lovely afternoon.

Driving home Grace fell asleep in the car. I found myself musing on the idea of strength. I think I am physically strong, but I have no faith whatsoever in my emotional strength. Is there a correlation? Probably not. I think back to the crazy commitment I had to a drug-free labor, to the grueling, but ultimately successful, 36 hours delivering Grace, and I realize I must have known I had it in me to do that. Somehow, deep down, I had faith in my body’s strength and ability. Now I need to find a wellspring of faith in my psychological strength. So often, I feel weak. So often, I feel daunted by the enormous amplitude of my moods and emotions.

I wish I could find a way to draw strength from all the experiences that have shown me my own fortitude: thinking of that hour in the pitch black blizzard at the top of Kilimanjaro, of the day I ran 11 miles just to prove a point, of the sense that my body was cracking open as I delivered two babies. How to translate those memories, those moments, into a kind of muscle memory of strength, which would in turn give me some solace and belief that I can survive any oscillation?

That’s just the kind of mother I am!

(this photo mission for my mother’s slideshow has unearthed some great old shots. stay tuned for more!)

Hils and I are gathering photographs for a slideshow at Mum’s party, and it is so much fun to unearth treasures like this one above. I feel quite blessed to have phenomenal women like these two on either side of me, generationally!

I have been loving this song the past couple of days. Who is really worthy of our trust and faith?

It is a glorious day here, with a feel of fall in the air. Am on errand brigade then with the children this afternoon and evening. Jam-packed weekend including Nella’s wedding which will have nice reunions with many old friends that we grew up with. Looking forward to seeing Hilary and Hannah as well!