Month: October 2006

The Wedding. Wow! What a beautiful ceremony. The children acquitted themselves fairly, I would say. They started down the aisle alone, and about 1/4 of the way down Whit decided he’d rather be sitting in a pew. Grace did her best to keep him on course but I had to step in and walk with one of them on each side, holding hands. This worked for another 1/4 of the way until Whit suddenly wiped out and was lying on the floor of the longest aisle in Manhattan under the watchful eye of 200 congregants. Apparently the reason he fell is he was busy flirting with and waving to a beautiful woman in the pew to his right. I finally scooped him up and walked to the altar with Whit in one arm and Gracie holding my other hand. Me as flower girl. Nice! As Dux said later, well, at least nobody cried. The reception was beautiful and the toasts heartfelt. My favorite moment was Jim’s, when he threw off a fabulous quotation from Measure for Measure: “Our doubts are traitors that rob us of what we might dream to attempt.” The theme of the remarks, and indeed of the evening in general, was persevering when something – even something profoundly uncertain – seems right; of being brave enough to take the risks required to pursue a possibility both thrilling and frightening. Gloria and Jim are together because of their willingness to do these things, and it’s extraordinary to see the result: a tangible, visceral love that inspires all who witness it. I am so delighted to have Jim join our extended godfamily and look forward to many more times with both of my favorite foreign correspondents in the years ahead.

Gracie had a fantastic fourth birthday. We had a quick and easy ride down to New York (though thank God for a call to Kendall to check directions when we were about 100 yards from the GWB … oops). After a little bit of a drama getting into our rooms at the Palace, we had a lovely afternoon visit with godmother Hadley and Alexandra, Cameron, and Margot McAuliffe. Alexandra brought cupcakes from the Magnolia Bakery which are truly as good as the hype. We blew out candles, sang happy birthday, and enjoyed Margot’s baby smiles over some sauvignon blanc on the rocks while Cameron and Gracie ran wild on their sugar highs. Grace and Daddy had a special birthday outing the next morning with a trip to FAO Schwartz and lunch out a deux. I will say that Gracie seems pretty comfortable running around the city and enjoying room service in her hotel room!

Tomorrow is Gracie’s fourth birthday. Poppy just came over to say hi and he told her, very somberly, that it was her first perfect square (4). I remember so vividly hearing about that when I was 9, and when I was 16 – was a nice moment of generations moving forward and many things staying the same. Gracie started her day by presenting her (third!) CES birthday book to Jenifer. She then celebrated with her class with cupcakes and a big “4” candle and after school we opened a big present from Grandma & Grandpa. The present is a toy veterinarian’s office which is fabulous – right now it’s about 400 plastic parts and a big manual which seems to be written in Japanese but I am optimistic about its future as a favored toy. Tomorrow we’re going to head to New York (“Nork” to Grace) and have Magnolia cupcakes with Alexandra, Cameron, Margot, and Hadley in the afternoon before practicing at the rehearsal with Gloria & Jim. Big agenda for car ride: writing my toast!! Very challenging. How to find the perfect funny and yet also deeply touching story that encapsulates all I have ever felt and loved about her. That’s impossible! I’m sure I will draw on some Ms Iwakuni and Exeter stories to illustrate how wonderful and loving and wise a friend she’s been, for some 16 years now (another perfect square)!!! Will certainly blog upon our return from New York with highlights from the festivities. In the meantime, am in my standard happy-sad state regarding Gracie turning 4. Four years ago I was in wild, intense labor with Matt (and Megan) standing staunchly by my side. We thought John was about to die. The economy was going into the crapper. The sniper was terrorizing Washington. How far we’ve come – and yet how much remains the same. The world’s uncertainties continue to cause me great fear and anxiety, but I guess I grow increasingly comfortable that that’s just a (not particularly charming) facet of who I am. This final picture shows “Today we are celebrating GRACIE’s birthday!” on the blue room whiteboard – for some reason that really got to me today. Lump-in-throat stuff.

We’re heading into the second week of Matt being in India. But the good news is that he’ll be back for the big fiesta at the end of this week: Gloria and Jim’s wedding! The children’s outfits are all ready (though I’m going to need to chop Whit’s toes off to fit into the shoes … oh well, an early lesson in suffering for beauty) and I have about a thousand and one things to do tomorrow to get packed and organized to hit the road. I am so looking forward to seeing many old friends from Princeton and from Exeter. We’re going to have tea at the Pierre with Hadley and Alexandra to celebrate Gracie’s birthday (Thursday) most of which she’ll spend in the car. Saturday morning we’ll cruise home hopefully in time for Gracie the firefighter to attend James’ Halloween party at the Harvard Museum of Natural History with the TPT family.
Last weekend was the Head of the Charles and we had a blast at my alma mater’s tent. A photographer came to take pictures for our Christmas card (this picture destined for a silver frame and Daddy’s stocking). I can actually see for the first time that Gracie and I do in fact look alike.

“How are you different from your mother?”
“I hope, in as few ways as possible.”
This from Studio 60 this week.
Have been thinking about mothers and daughters. Cracked open my thesis last night (had to dust it off first). The photograph of Georgia O’Keeffe’s hand across her bare breasts still gives me shivers. Procreativity and creativity. Photo at right is three generations of Eldredge women at Thanksgiving 2002 – one month old Gracie represents the end of the line for the red hair, apparently. I am pretty sure I don’t want Gracie to want to be just like me, but I think all the time about what it means to do right by her. I organized a Planned Parenthood event yesterday morning about how to talk to your children about sex – it was incredibly thought-provoking. Mostly because I realize now and then that Gracie (and Whit, eventually), will grow into a full-blown person; the responsibility of this is pretty daunting! I am so conscious of wanting Grace to grow up to be a confident woman, secure in her place in the world and sure of herself, physically, emotionally, intellectually. I don’t have any answers yet but I know the road ahead holds a complex amalgam of closeness and separation. As Letty Cottin Pogrebin says, “We mothers are learning to mark our mothering success by our daughter’s lengthening flight.” How to manage the myriad tensions between identification, longing for intimacy, and letting go … this will be one of the primary tasks of my life.